Sometimes, Reality Blows!

I don't like spraying my husband's greasy clothes with Shout before I wash them.  I do it because I love him and I want him to look clean when he arrives at work.  I don't do it often though.  He usually has to Shout and wash his own clothes.  I know, I'm a horrible person!   Today, I did spray them and let them soak a while before I washed them.  Why?  Because he is always good to me and loves me even though he knows I hate his dirty work clothes.  Plastic Barbie Doll will never experience that in her Plastic Barbie Doll world.  I'm sure her reality never blows.

I hate stairs. I don't mind going down them, but I can't stand going up them.  I have fallen down more than my fair share of them.

I once broke my foot by falling off of the sidewalk.  Sadly, no alcohol was involved but there were witnesses...who were customers because this happened at work, at the front door to the showroom.  I was embarrassed.

Worse, I once broke my wrist riding bumper boats.  I know, hard to believe.  My bff loves to tell that story...also embarrassing.

My refrigerator looks like a war zone inside it.  Nothing is neatly stacked, mostly just pushed in and the door shut quickly.  Makes it tricky for the next person to open. :-)

I use baby powder everyday.  I'm chubby...I need it.  This makes for a nice layer of powder dust on everything in or near my bathroom.  I clean it up often, but it comes right back.  My room looks like I haven't dusted in years.  Well, actually, just weeks. I don't like it, but I deal.  I wonder how RJ feels about it...

I can't pick paint colors to save my life.  I once had to tell the Mexicans painting my house to quit because the front side of it looked so bad my neighbors were stopping by to complain.  Our Youth Minister's son said it looked like "God puked on the house!"  We had to start over.  RJ picked the colors.

I love to cook and I'm good at it.  Sometimes, I make mistakes.  I recently turned the easiest pie recipe on the face of the earth into a terrible disaster that made RJ sick for a whole day.  It was gross and he still ate it so he didn't hurt my feelings.  That folks, is LOVE! (or stupidity???)

Other cooking failures over the years:  1.  First cornbread muffins...so hard you could have used them as weapons.  2.  First roast beef...tough as leather and the dog wouldn't eat it.  3. First pancakes were deceivingly pretty and pathetically disgusting.  RJ can crack you up telling you about my kitchen failures.  But I have conquered all of these items and so much more in our 27 years together. Just ask my kids.

I once sucked on a Zycam stick bc I though it was a sucker and you were supposed to use it that way.  I wasn't drunk, so I have no idea what I was thinking sucking on a q-tip with nasty tasting medicine on it.

My car broke down in a parking lot when I was 20.  I had jumper cables, so I was carrying them around asking people if they would "jack me off!"  A nice gentleman approached me and said "do you need a jump?"  It was only then that I realized the error of my question.  I was embarrassed.

As smart as I am, I have to say...I have done some entertainingly stoopid things in my young life.  I share them publicly and wear the badge proudly.  I call this my "Patti-ness."  I get that from Owen Wilson's character in that movie where he lives with his best friend and best friend's wife bc he's a screw up and can't get his life together.  In the end he does get it together and calls his stories his "-ness."  I have a friend that calls it my "Patti-isms" and shares them with her clients to get them to laugh.  She loves me.

I laugh at myself...a lot.  I'm entertaining.  I hope you enjoyed reading about my failures.  We all have them don't we?  It is ok.  You laughed or thought (maybe even said out loud) how stoopid I am.  That's ok too.  Truth is, if you're one of the 2 people who read this, you know that none of these silly stories define who I am.  Sometimes, my reality does blow, but I don't let it steal my joy,  faith or love.  Maybe you can take a look at your "-ness" and see just how great you are.  Laugh at your failures and disappointments.  Kick the bs to the curb.  Only let the good things define who you are. 

"I am who God says I am.  God says I am perfectly made, designed to be exactly who I am, exactly where I am.  I am who God says I am."

LYMI!

In the beginning...of this blog!

Life happens at an alarming rate.  How did I get here?  When did this happen?  Is this how it is always going to be?  Boy, this is not what I planned and certainly not what I dreamed...This, my friend, is REALITY!


I am no Barbie Doll Girl and this is definitely NOT a Barbie Doll World.  I mean, really!  What woman is born with a "perfect" figure, never ages, never sags, never wrinkles, has a handsome man fawning over her every breath and can do, be, have anything she wants without so much as a chipped nail?  Bull malarkey!

I am a real woman, in the real world.  I am aging (gracefully), overweight, sagging, have A wrinkle, work my fanny off just to make ends meet, can't grow my nails without acrylic help and my man is working so hard to make life better that it mostly just passes us by.

My life is good.  My marriage is STRONG.  My figure is round.  My friends are fantastic.  My family is the bomb!  That fake piece of plastic named Barbie ain't got nothing on me.

I love God, the Hubbs, my girls and grand girls and pretty much everyone unless they've given me reason "to not to."  There are only a few of the latter...for a much later post.  I've been married for nearly 25 years now.  Sometimes it has been hard, but it has always been solid, strong, committed and monogamous.  I have a handgun, I know how to use it, he stays faithful.  I have two daughters who warm my heart and keep me grounded.    The first of which has blessed me with two beautiful grand babies and the second of which was hard to come by, but that's also a story for a later post. I have three really good friends and am thankful the number is that high.  I take I Cor 13:13 seriously, because the greatest thing in the world is LOVE.  Therefore, I love almost everyone.  It is not my fault some people have made themselves unlovable.  Sometimes I'm too serious.  I cuss.  I overeat.  I am strong, physically, mentally, but not emotionally.  I have a temper and I cuss...did I say that already?  Like a sailor!  I get that from my fabulous (sarcasm) dad, who will definitely be the subject of later posts.

 

So, the name "Reality Barbie" came to me in a conversation with a friend who is a personal trainer.  Everyone wants everyone to lose weight, eat differently and fit into this little box of looking healthy means you are healthy.   But the reality is looking like Barbie does not a healthy person make.  After all, she is plastic and probably contains BPA.  Yuk!  Barbie seemingly has the perfect life, doesn't she?  Who wouldn't want to be her?  Who wouldn't want to have a "Ken?"  Who wouldn't want to have the biggest boobs enhanced by a tiny waist and bodacious hips?  Well, I will raise my hand.  I wouldn't trade my life, man, body for hers.  My life is a stark contrast to hers.  Isn't every one's?  Oh, the numerous ways Barb and I are different.  I am going to enjoy pointing out the error of that "perfect" girl's way.





My hope is that you will find humor, support, honesty and maybe realize that you are ok...no, better than ok...you are the perfect you... by reading my blog about my reality.  I am REALITY Barbie.

 

(Grand Baby #1)