Sometimes, Reality Blows!

I don't like spraying my husband's greasy clothes with Shout before I wash them.  I do it because I love him and I want him to look clean when he arrives at work.  I don't do it often though.  He usually has to Shout and wash his own clothes.  I know, I'm a horrible person!   Today, I did spray them and let them soak a while before I washed them.  Why?  Because he is always good to me and loves me even though he knows I hate his dirty work clothes.  Plastic Barbie Doll will never experience that in her Plastic Barbie Doll world.  I'm sure her reality never blows.

I hate stairs. I don't mind going down them, but I can't stand going up them.  I have fallen down more than my fair share of them.

I once broke my foot by falling off of the sidewalk.  Sadly, no alcohol was involved but there were witnesses...who were customers because this happened at work, at the front door to the showroom.  I was embarrassed.

Worse, I once broke my wrist riding bumper boats.  I know, hard to believe.  My bff loves to tell that story...also embarrassing.

My refrigerator looks like a war zone inside it.  Nothing is neatly stacked, mostly just pushed in and the door shut quickly.  Makes it tricky for the next person to open. :-)

I use baby powder everyday.  I'm chubby...I need it.  This makes for a nice layer of powder dust on everything in or near my bathroom.  I clean it up often, but it comes right back.  My room looks like I haven't dusted in years.  Well, actually, just weeks. I don't like it, but I deal.  I wonder how RJ feels about it...

I can't pick paint colors to save my life.  I once had to tell the Mexicans painting my house to quit because the front side of it looked so bad my neighbors were stopping by to complain.  Our Youth Minister's son said it looked like "God puked on the house!"  We had to start over.  RJ picked the colors.

I love to cook and I'm good at it.  Sometimes, I make mistakes.  I recently turned the easiest pie recipe on the face of the earth into a terrible disaster that made RJ sick for a whole day.  It was gross and he still ate it so he didn't hurt my feelings.  That folks, is LOVE! (or stupidity???)

Other cooking failures over the years:  1.  First cornbread muffins...so hard you could have used them as weapons.  2.  First roast beef...tough as leather and the dog wouldn't eat it.  3. First pancakes were deceivingly pretty and pathetically disgusting.  RJ can crack you up telling you about my kitchen failures.  But I have conquered all of these items and so much more in our 27 years together. Just ask my kids.

I once sucked on a Zycam stick bc I though it was a sucker and you were supposed to use it that way.  I wasn't drunk, so I have no idea what I was thinking sucking on a q-tip with nasty tasting medicine on it.

My car broke down in a parking lot when I was 20.  I had jumper cables, so I was carrying them around asking people if they would "jack me off!"  A nice gentleman approached me and said "do you need a jump?"  It was only then that I realized the error of my question.  I was embarrassed.

As smart as I am, I have to say...I have done some entertainingly stoopid things in my young life.  I share them publicly and wear the badge proudly.  I call this my "Patti-ness."  I get that from Owen Wilson's character in that movie where he lives with his best friend and best friend's wife bc he's a screw up and can't get his life together.  In the end he does get it together and calls his stories his "-ness."  I have a friend that calls it my "Patti-isms" and shares them with her clients to get them to laugh.  She loves me.

I laugh at myself...a lot.  I'm entertaining.  I hope you enjoyed reading about my failures.  We all have them don't we?  It is ok.  You laughed or thought (maybe even said out loud) how stoopid I am.  That's ok too.  Truth is, if you're one of the 2 people who read this, you know that none of these silly stories define who I am.  Sometimes, my reality does blow, but I don't let it steal my joy,  faith or love.  Maybe you can take a look at your "-ness" and see just how great you are.  Laugh at your failures and disappointments.  Kick the bs to the curb.  Only let the good things define who you are. 

"I am who God says I am.  God says I am perfectly made, designed to be exactly who I am, exactly where I am.  I am who God says I am."

LYMI!